It's one thing to have a mothering fail. We all experience them daily.
It's another thing to post about it.
On the one hand, the story's kind of funny. On the other hand, it makes me seem rather monstrous. And look, I have a WIDE VARIETY of failings as a parent. Some moments I do seem monstrous. But I have one thing going for me: I wake up every morning asking myself how I can do this better.
Reflection and constant commitment to change - that's what's going to make me a better mother. There's a confessional nature to my mothering FAIL post and it's true - I needed to confess. Now that it's off my back, I can think that perhaps I've simply given my children something for their Sedaris or Kimmel (Haven not Jimmy) -style future memoirs. One day, that snail story might be a best-seller.
And even then, it will cause me to reflect. Respond. And be a little sad.
Yesterday while cleaning the back porch I found a hammer in the rose bush (Don't ask. I don't know. Honest to god. The kids must've put it there. They must've taken it out of the junk drawer to hit things. I don't know. And it's not like I can yell at them for it, since nobody knows when it happened, right? And besides, if I did, what am I going to say? "We don't hit things with hammers, we just make stupid sputtering threats about it and never come through on them!" Riiiiiiight). And it made me sad, that stupid shiny misplaced hammer.
Because it's misplaced. And stupid.
So I put it away. Literally and metaphorically. And now I'm going back to the books and saying to myself "How can I be good at this?" Because clearly parenting doesn't come to me naturally.
Every day is an exercise in making sure that these moments are of love.
Today, I revisit the mantra, the family mission: Our family's mission: To be focused on peace, discipline, and simplicity.
And I say a little prayer. Please, let me be worthy of such a task. Failure is not an option.
I wouldn't be that spun up about the hammer. It may not have been from your comments. Hitting shit with hammers is fun, and I'm sure it's occurred to many a child whose mom doesn't talk about hitting shit with hammers to, indeed, hit shit with hammers.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe it was your fault.
I don't know.
But at least it wasn't the neighbor's machete :)
Ok, that's enough mommy guilt now. We all strive to be better parents. We all have our good days and our bad days. So go ahead and think about what you want to change (because it's healthy to want to improve), but don't worry so much! You are a great mom and it's obvious because your kids are AWESOME.
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