Parenthood got me down? No way!

I've seen a few people write about this post on the Baby Project Blog @NPR.  The author maintains that parenting is hard and nobody lets us talk about it.  Hold on.  Say WHAT?


People don't talk about this enough. It's really hard, being a parent. At times, it's crushing. But you're never allowed to say this.


Excuse me?  Wait, what? I figure she's too busy with her children to log onto Facebook for the daily onslaught of parental complaints.  And somehow she's missed out on glorious ladies like Kate and Lydia at Rants from Mommyland (who seem to be, awesomely, EVERYWHERE these days!). Perhaps she missed drop-off at Preschool when at the very least one bedraggled sweat-pantsed lady talks about the tough morning they had rolling out of bed. The virtual mommy-water cooler is full of ladies are talking about being down - and getting right back up. 


But M, you say, she's not talking about tough days, she's talking about the grueling project of raising a child. 


But so am I.  I have never been made to feel that I can't talk about how tough this gig is. My youngest is 9 months old and I still get So how are things going? and Is she sleeping? and How's life with 3? and even the occasional Hey.  You ok? .  And the people who ask get answers.  They get honest answers that are multifaceted.  It's more than It's the toughest job I've ever loved! or I'm exhausted, but it's so rewarding!


I love parenting.  I'm 8 1/2 years in with three kids under my belt - dare I say it, I enjoy it.  I've learned that practically every tough time - the fourth wakeup by 1 am or the 5 year old screaming I hate you! are countered by snuggles and giggles and watching these little people discover a world that I've come to ignore. 
It *is* hard. And the best part about this gig is that nobody has ever made me feel bad for saying that.  
On the flip-side, though, I have discovered something about parenting.  I've discovered that those who are trying to become parents often encounter plenty of folks who work hard to discourage their expressions of frustration, anger, and loss.  Over the course of the last several years, I've met a whole lot of lovely ladies for whom the road to parenting has been hard.  And what do they hear when they talk about how tough it's been?  Relax!  It'll happen! or But you can do so much without babies! or Just think of all the things you can DO without kids!  or my personal favorite: If this doesn't work out, you can just adopt.  It seems that while people feel comfort in the Parenthood's-got-me-down persona, they often don't or won't acknowledge that Wanting-but-not-having-Parenthood is a whole other bag of got-me-downness that is all too often dismissed or ignored.


So to the parents I know who are feeling down: let's talk, like we always do.  And to the incredible people I know who are still somewhere on the road to parenthood: I'm here and I'll listen.  I can't pretend to understand, but I can promise not to dismiss your trials and tribulations.