Shirt-Monster

Something is eating my shirts.

I know, I know, we have a cheap washer and dryer and you're thinking that the *something* is likely time, the washer, the dryer, or some bad laundry detergent. But listen: this little bastard Shirt Monster is eating my shirts and MrSomething's shirts but not the kids' shirts. And the Shirt Monster isn't just eating any part of my shirts. It's noshing the same spot: 3" up from the bottom, center or center left.

At first, I thought I'd developed such a drinking problem that my popping open a Rolling Rock at the end of the day was affecting the lifespan of my knits, as every one of the Shirt Monster's holes seem to appear at the bottom front of our t-shirts. But MrSomething is a whiskey guy and whiskey doesn't require the ridiculously sexy bunching of the shirt over the screwtop cap. Besides, Mr. Something pointed out to me that I generally drink Pacifico, which requires a bottle opener or , in classier homes, teeth.

We decided then it must be our belt buckles. After all, the children don't wear belts (God help us all were they ever armed with a 3 foot piece of leather capped off with a piece of metal, especially The Budge with his penchant for swinging). But, let me be honest and fashion-backward here: I do not often wear belts. Typically speaking, the time it takes to run a belt through 4-6 loops is just more time than I have when getting dressed in the morning, so unless I had a lot of extra time or I'm wearing jeans from another day when I had a lot of extra time, I'm beltless, and it's MY SHIRTS that suffer the brunt of this shirt-chomping behavior.

I'm at a loss, friends. If you have any ideas, please let me know, because Fashion is suffering. And Fashion's a catty bitch who's about to put on her over-sized sunglasses and leave me with Target 75% off rack clothing (which even the Shirt Monster seems to avoid).