It is Thanksgiving weekend

and it is hard.

I started celebrating Wednesday night at a church service at Saint Michael. I walked into the building, took a right, and saw a man in David's office who was not David. I saw empty bookshelves. I was ready for it - they named the new pastor last June, I just hadn't met him yet and wasn't ready to confront the old office - in which I spent so much of my youth - with a new inhabitant.

Then I sat through a Thanksgiving service and sang about gratitude and gifts and miracles and watched this new pastor give a sermon on finding God in the tough stuff - and finding the ability to be thankful even when times are hard.

And I lost it.

I do not need lessons like this. Or, rather, I do not need more of them. I found miracles around David's bedside in his last few days, I found awesomeness in Grandpa's final days last year, I found glory in my children this year. But in all honesty, the last thing I need right now is a sermon on it.

I know. Maybe some other parishioner did. Maybe someone needed to go to church Wednesday night and hear about finding light inside the darkness. I'm sure they did - some people have had great years and a burned turkey or an NU loss today will be devastating to them. And you know what? Good for them. I look forward to having a year in the future wherein I need the reminder to be grateful because even in the dark times there are things to be grateful for. Right now, I am thankful for the fact that one day I'll be able to reflect on the dark times and know that we made it through them.

We will make it through them. But we might be tempted to throw a punch when someone tells us to find things to be thankful for in them.

Today is the day after Thanksgiving and I am thankful for my health, my family, my buddy Julia's clear PET scan, and for the knowledge that there have been times and may be times where this list is much, much longer.