I was pregnant. Again. That's the third time this year. Interestingly, it was also the third time this year that my due date landed on the 19th of some month. First it was 10/19. Then 2/19. Then 7/19. Seems like a girl could get a hangup on that whole 19th thing. Or, frankly, at this point, on the pregnancy thing.
I got my positive test when I was back in Omaha snuggling little babies and it felt like an omen -- surely we were in for good things *this* time. We've had our round of bad luck and it's time for some good to come our way. The line was faint. The next day, it was a little darker, but still faint. And in my mind it wasn't good enough - I was concerned. But I came back to Denver and made the requisite phone calls to the Eager study and my OB to let them know of my seven (yes. Seven.) positive tests. Both wanted to see me yesterday.
And yesterday my tests were negative. All of them except, I'm guessing, the blood test - the results of which I'll discuss with my OB in a postmortem this morning. And this morning my tests are negative.
For anyone who is counting, that makes three losses in 9 months. I am in an emotional space that I do not wish to be in and I'm not sure how to get out. The people around me are, I'm sure, thinking You have two healthy kids. Quit while you're ahead. I'm certain that they wonder what would compel a person with two fantastic kiddos and a 1,000 sq foot home to actively try for another -- against mounting odds.
Meanwhile, Tim and I are left to pick up the pieces once again. No matter how much you say you won't get excited, those two little pink lines are thrilling -- the promise of a little one is unbelievable. And now, for the third time this year, we've lost it.
Nobody knows what to say. Honestly, I'm with them. What do you say?
Well, Mon, there's not much postive I can say, other than if you want some positive tests to look at, I can send you some of mine. Because we all know what my positives are worth right now.
ReplyDeleteIronic that you are wishing for + while I can't wait to see a -. This conception thing is teh suck.
I've decided 2009 sucks, and 2010 is the year of healthy pregnancies. Come join me!
oh, and come to think of it, there's something else we have in common. No good comes from pregnancies that go positive in Omaha, it would appear.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we just need to stop taking tests there.
No lie, Robin. I forgot, that's 2 positives that failed for me from Omaha and one from you. Screw that. I've learned two things: First, if I ovulate on a day that coincides with a due date landing on the 19th, I might as well skip it and secondly, no matter how tempting, do.not.test.in.Omaha. If I do those two things and relax, I might just get pregnant. After all, it *is* just that easy. (Ah, the sarcasmist awakes.)
ReplyDeleteI'm fully intending to "relax" this next go around, when I'm allowed to try again. I don't know why no one gave me that bit of advice for the first 12 months of trying. It's BRILLIANT!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it'll work like a charm. :)
ReplyDelete